Archive | October, 2010

Could still be little

29 Oct

Do you ever feel like life goes by too fast? It’s like one moment you’re lying on the couch in your Little Mermaid pajamas, waiting for your mom to bring you apple juice in a Cookie Monster sippy cup, and the next, your laying in bed cramming for an exam, hoping you’ll be done in time to get a little sleep for class the next day. Life goes by fast.

I’ve been having these dreams lately. Weird dreams that bring back memories of my childhood. Sad dreams. Then Taylor Swift’s new album came out this week, and after listening to the song, “Never Grow Up,” I realized that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Everyone told me that the middle school/high school years would be awkward, but no one ever told me that my early 20s would be even more confusing. I’m stuck between childhood and adulthood, and I don’t know if I will ever feel like I’m old enough to fully be a “grown up.”

In the words of Taylor Swift, “Oh, I don’t wanna grow up, wish I’d never grow up,  it could still be simple”….

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Organized home, organized life

15 Oct

I have this theory. I have this theory that an organized home equals an organized life. Is it really possible to even pretend to enjoy doing homework while staring at clutter and a layer of dust on a desk, anyway? I don’t think so. So the fact that I was sick for, basically, the greater part of September and the beginning of October, was driving me crazy. My room was unorganized, and so was my life.

I also have this dry erase board. On one side is a calendar, and the other, a section for notes. I keep all of my scheduled plans on the calendar side, and my daily “to do” lists on the other. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure that “clean room” was featured on my list for a couple (maybe more :/) weeks. I blame it on my upper-respiratory problems.

Until today. Today I erased “clean room” from my list. This makes me happy, not only because I get the satisfaction of erasing something from my seemingly never ending list, but also because I can now prove my theory: organized home, organized life.

I’m feeling calmer already :).

When I realized my “block”

14 Oct

Every writer will admit to “writer’s block” every once in awhile. It’s bound to happen, like it or not. Recently, however,  I realized that my “block” is  larger than being at a loss for words; it is perfectionism.

I’ll admit, I used to blame my perfectionism on the “oldest child syndrome.” You know, the “you’re the guinea pig; we didn’t know we were putting pressure on you; we expect you to live up to our  expectations because we took the most time perfecting you as a child” syndrome.

Then I came to the realization that, while in my 20s, I can no longer blame my perfectionism (the bulk of it, at least) on my childhood. Which leads me to this blog.

Taking 18 credit hours, working 10 hours a week, continuing my relationship in a positive way with my boyfriend, managing to have friends and see my family, led me to a breakdown. After all, trying to perfect a balancing act will do that to a person. So I decided to take control of my life. I decided (to learn) to let go of my self-diagnosed syndrome, perfectionism.

I quit my job. I had a (long) conversation, well, meltdown, with my boyfriend (he should win “boyfriend of the year” for dealing with my emotions-seriously). I told myself that my true friends , and family, would understand my need to shut myself in my room and relax. And I started my blog. Instead of making money, I will sit here and write about not having it (just kidding…).

So here’s my story. Finishing my education, pursuing a career… growing up. Living a simpler life, overcoming pefection, gaining happiness.