25 Jun

Oh. My. Gosh. In less than three weeks, I will be a “wife.” It hit me this weekend at my bachelorette party. I am feeling so many different emotions right now — I don’t even know where to begin.

I’m excited. I get to marry my best friend, the person I’ve been dating for 3 1/2 years. I get to live with him, have more independence with him, and start a family with him. There are a lot of exciting things to look forward to.

And then I am sad. I keep thinking that I only have two weekends left in my house — the house that I’ve lived in for 13 years. When I went away to college, I knew I’d be coming back someday, but this time, I know that I am moving out for good. I’m sad that the “childhood” chapter in my life is ending, and I’m truly moving onto the adulthood one. I’m leaving my parents, leaving the dependent life that I’ve been living for so many years.

I’m also anxious — anxious for what the future holds. I have to learn how to pay bills, and buy groceries, and do things that so many 23-year-olds already know how to do, but I have not had to because I’ve lived at home. I have to learn a new way of living, one that requires me to be more responsible. It’s a good thing, and I know I’ll never grow if I don’t change, but it’s also nerve-racking because I don’t know what to expect.

And then I’m scared. Scared that I’ll be a blubbering mess as I walk down the aisle — as I dance with my dad to this song.

I’m an overly emotional person on a regular day, so who knows how I’ll be on the biggest day of my life. I’m scared that I’ll get too wrapped up in the emotions and feel too nostalgic on my wedding day, a day that is supposed to be exciting and happy.

I don’t like change. Jordan and I are both the oldest in our families, and I know our parents will find it difficult to see us walking down the aisle. The hardest part, for me, will be when my dad gives me away. And when we dance to that song.

Sometimes I wish I was one of those girls who never cries — but God (and everyone who knows me) knows that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not getting cold feet. I love Jordan, and I’m ready to move forward in our relationship. I’m just bringing up the feelings that seem to get ignored in the whole wedding planning process — the feelings that “Say Yes to the Dress” and “Four Weddings” never reveal.

Thankfully, my supportive cousin, who was married nearly 9 months ago, is able to give me advice and help prepare me for what I should expect. And I hope by writing this post, others will come forward too ;).

Tomorrow, I will be back with a bachelorette party recap (we had a great time!). Thanks for bearing with today’s heavy post until then!

If you’re married, did you ever have these feelings?

If you’re not, do you think that you will?


18 Responses to “Nerves”

  1. notsodomesticated June 25, 2012 at 6:43 am #

    Aww don’t worry … everything has a way of working itself out! I think I was mostly just nervous about turning into a nagging, complaining wife haha. And honestly, I’ve had my moments. But I keep praying through them. And for the most part, we’ve just had a ton of fun since being married! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m sure you and Jordan will be the same way!

  2. In Sweetness and In Health June 25, 2012 at 8:02 am #

    I’m sure the nerves are totally normal!! I’m sure that I’m going to get that closer to my wedding. I’m not much of a cryer, so I’m more worried about looking emotionless haha

  3. Alex @ therunwithin June 25, 2012 at 8:43 am #

    This is such a normal feeling and actually good you are feeling it. don’t worry, let these three weeks go by like normal and soon the excitement will be well waited.

  4. fitandfuninthird June 25, 2012 at 9:19 am #

    Aww… don’t stress out. I feel like this is a normal feeling. I was living with my husband, but I still got a little sad thinking about the fact that this meant I was “grown up.” It’s normal to feel this way, but I really feel that on your wedding day, you’ll feel nothing but happiness!

  5. Lauren June 25, 2012 at 9:54 am #

    Supportive cousin here : ) jk. You’ll be totally fine I promise!! Everyone gets nerves/anxiety/stressed out 3 weeks before their wedding too. And yes, people cry when walking down the aisle and during the daddy-daughter dance. It’s ok!! It’s totally normal!! Just take a deep breath, put a smile on your face and try to take in what is going to be the best day of your life (so far). You’ll be beautiful and everything will come together perfectly. : ) I promise.

  6. ragingsofaninsanegirl June 25, 2012 at 11:03 am #

    Omg I’m such an emotional person too! I feel like everything makes me cry and I repeatedly think that I’m going to be a massive emotional wreck when I (hopefully) someday get married! I listened to 30 seconds of that song and got tears in my eyes!! I see cute things on Pinterest and cry. I see a sad (or even happy) commercials and cry. It happens!

  7. Laura @ LauraLikesDesign June 25, 2012 at 12:04 pm #

    I totally know what you mean! The month before the wedding brought on a lot of strange feelings and emotions due to so many changes happening at once. However, when you get married, everything will fall into place and you will love it! Being married is the best–you get to see your best friend every day and share so much more with them! I’m so happy for you guys–your wedding is going to be great!

  8. HollieisFueledByLOLZ June 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm #

    I know I will. This is so exciting. I’m so happy for you! ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Danica @ It's Progression June 25, 2012 at 4:03 pm #

    I know exactly how you feel. It’s all scary–change almost always is….I’m also a very emotional person and thought I would be a blubbery mess the day of our wedding but I actually found myself much more calm than I had expected. That old cliche about keeping your eyes on your groom really does work. I made sure to constantly be looking into J’s eyes (he’s the one to focus on anyway of course, but that way you calm each other down). Because Jordan is your best friend and the one you’ll be holding hands with and looking at, it’ll be much easier than you think to be happy without being teary….However, remember that it’s your wedding and no matter what you do or what happens, you’ll be married at the end of the day. So you just have to do your best to enjoy every single second you can and keep your eyes and mind on what matters. Plus, PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING. HE will make sure you have not just a wonderful wedding day but a blessed marriage, too.

  10. YourDailyGrace June 26, 2012 at 1:26 am #

    I’m sure I’ll have a little bit of those feelings but I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years now so I think whenever he’s “ready” I’ll be ready:)

  11. savorlifesflavors June 26, 2012 at 9:11 am #

    I’m nervous and my wedding is 3 months away. I can’t imagine what a basket case I will be the weeks before the big day. I will especially lose it when my dad gives me away. Change can be very hard. You just have to think of it as a brand new life that you are starting together and you can make your own. It will be a fun new adventure!

  12. Joanna @ things after the rings July 3, 2012 at 1:22 pm #

    Years before my wedding I had serious fears crying during my father-daughter dance and thinking that those tears would ruin the day. Like you, I’m a very emotional person in my day-to-day life so crying was totally expected from me. Leading up to my wedding I actually embraced this fact. And on the day of my wedding, I sobbed like a baby both during the ceremony and during the ENTIRE dance with my dad. And you know what? It didn’t ruin the day. If anything, I think it made it better.

    Don’t try to hide your tears. This is a happy time and a sad time all once. While it’s a great new beginning it’s a HUGE ending as well. Honor your feelings, you deserve to be true to yourself, especially on your wedding day.

    I actually didn’t realize what an ending it was before my wedding. That realization hit me very hard in the months after my wedding. And boy was it hard, and scary, and completely overwhelming. I have a lot of thoughts on this topic, some I’ve articulated in blog posts and some that are still forthcoming. If you want to chat more after your wedding about the transitions, please, please don’t hesitate to reach out!

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